Positive Smositive..and the Brutal Honest Truth

I am usually (or try to be) a positive person. I have had a lot of negatives in my life and I have really tried to stay positive and focus on my blessings not my burdens. I really do try. Sometimes though, it just isn't possible. We all have our days. I have been having a lot more of them lately, as much as I hate it. I am not one for throwing a pity party and it's never my intention to make people feel bad for me. Mostly, I just need that time to rant and get it out of my system, so the positive can keep flowing. 

Negativity is like a dam, if you will. It builds up over time, then clogs my positive flows. I have to let it out sometimes. It's human nature. While some won't and don't understand that, I am not asking anyone to. I AM asking that people not look down on me or judge me for those bad days. I know, you're thinking "who would?" but, it happens. People do and say inappropriate things, whether they  mean to or not. They, without realizing, are passing judgement on something that only I can understand at the moment. While this disease may not seem "that bad" to some, for me it is real. It is what I have to live with. It is day in and day out of feeling like shit, not knowing exactly why, not being able to take a shower and do my dishes without taking a break in-between and feeling completely exhausted afterward. It's waking up with every muscle and joint in my body sore and hurting, and mysterious bruises that showed up out of nowhere. It is something that most people do a quick Google search on and read the generalized description {which by the way is probably only 25% true} and assume it's something I take medication for and will be back to normal anytime. I wish. 

Believe me, more than anyone I wish it was that easy. But it's not. I am on medication, and I have been. I wished I was seeing and feeling changes toward fully recovering. Truth is, they are very minor. And it is frustrating. I want to go back to feeling normal and doing normal things. I do not sit and dwell on my disease, but I am human and I have my bad days. I am not asking for a pity party, I am asking for understanding. I have never been a selfish person, but sometimes in life you have to be. It's about me and my disease and getting better.. and the ones that have stuck by me from the beginning. If you can't or don't want to be in my life, good and bad and be supportive, then I understand. But please don't stay if you will be judgmental and view me as someone that "is her disease" or thinks I am overreacting. Sorry for the honest truth, but it has to be said..so that I can move and continue this blog with updates, awareness and everything in-between.