Understanding Me & How My Life Has Changed

I found this on another blog (I believe it was a questionnaire for Sarcoidosis Awareness Month) and thought it would be a great way to help my friends and family have some sort of insight as to how much this has changed my life, in such a short period of time. It has only been a couple weeks since I had the actual 'diagnosis' but it has been something that started back in May. I am still learning each day more about it and trying to understand myself, so bear with me. 

My illness: Sarcoidosis - Sarcoidosis is a disease of unknown cause that leads to inflammation. This disease affects your body’s organs. Normally, your immune system defends your body against foreign or harmful substances. For example, it sends special cells to protect organs that are in danger.These cells release chemicals that recruit other cells to isolate and destroy the harmful substance. Inflammation occurs during this process. Once the harmful substance is gone, the cells and the inflammation go away. In people who have sarcoidosis, the inflammation doesn't go away. Instead, some of the immune system cells cluster to form lumps called granulomas  in various organs in your body. They consist of inflamed tissues  that form in certain organs of the body. These granulomas may alter the normal structure and possibly the function of the affected organ(s). 

It currently affects:
My lungs & lymph nodes- This is where it was found (lymph nodes above my lungs) and where I have 5 nodules and ground glass (haziness) I have 2 inhalers that I use daily, one as needed. My lymph node pain went away once I started on the 40mg of Prednisone. My doctor has put me on a 'taper' schedule to get me down to 10mg, a week at a time and since I have gone down to 30mg, the pain has started to come back. I am not sure if it is my body readjusting to the lower dose or why it is coming back.

My joints and muscles- The joint and all over pain is the worst for me. As well as the swelling. I do have and take pain medication, but I only use what is recommended and sometimes the pain overrides it. Just depends on the day. Today my hands swelled up for the first time & are still pretty painful. 

My skin is effected with redness and sore bumps. Mostly on my chest and face/jaw. For the most part it's just annoying :) 
I have yet to see an ophthalmologist (appt is next week) to confirm if it has effected my eyes. As for my liver, brain or any other organ.. I am assuming that is what they are going to be checking for in the near future. 

I have had symptoms since: Not really sure on this one. I believe it has been years. I feel like all of the bronchial and pneumonia stuff I went through the last 5yrs or so, has all been Sarcoid related. When I was in the ICU last with pneumonia, they put me on Prednisone after 4 different antibiotics did not help. I believe the Prednisone is what helped because it was Sarcoid related.

The biggest adjustment I've had to make: Not being able to do what I used/want to. I really miss being at work. I miss taking care of my household and playing around with food ideas in the kitchen. I miss being able to go wherever I want, without getting tired after 10 minutes, or worry about germs. I miss running around after the littles and being free from meds to be able to drive and go where I need to. 

Most people assume: That I will take my medication and be fine in a few weeks. I hope so. I haven't seen that yet, but I hope so. I am praying my medication helps me go into remission and I can go back to a somewhat normal life and routine. My doctor said an 'ideal' situation is that I would be on medication and be in remission in 6 months. 

The hardest part of my day: Nighttime. Between my pain and my medication, it makes it extremely hard to sleep. My sister recommended some sleeping pills and my doctor OK'd me to take them, so I am going to pick some up the next time I go out. I am really hoping they help, because I MISS MY SLEEP!

Medication: I take 5 different medicines daily. Prednisone, Bactrim, Norco and my 2 inhalers. I am able to stop taking the Bactrim, which is an antibiotic, once I go down to 10mg of Prednisone (since it suppresses my immune system) so I will be glad to get rid of that horse pill :) As far as the Prednisone, I have no idea how long I will be on it. It depends on how my body is responding to it. I see my pulmonologist the 3rd week of August, where he will check my progress and we will re-evaluate. 

Work & Normal Life: I was hoping to start going back to work for at least a few hours a day, this week. Mostly because my finances need it and also my sanity. But I know my body is not ready yet. I am going to try to go tomorrow, but seeing how late it is and how I am not yet asleep, we will see about that :) My work has been amazing and is not worried about when I will be back, but I am sure ready mentally. Normal life..not sure I really had that, but just like work, I'd LOVE to get back to getting out and going places, whenever I felt like it. Until my immune system is a bit stronger, I just have to be more careful. I really wish I had the energy to clean like a mad woman, as much time as I spend at home! :)

The hardest thing to accept about my newest reality: How much I hate that it affects my loved ones so much. And how much I do not like asking for help. I know I've put my husband and family through so much stress and worry, and I hate that. I know I can't change it or do anything about it, but I still don't like it. My mom is such a worrier anyway, and she always wants to do for me so I don't have to..and I know it takes a toll on her, even if she won't let me know it. My husband has taken on so much more than he is used to and working more hours. My sister has been there as support as well as my own personal nurse :) My in-laws have taken a lot of stress off me in a lot of ways. I hate that I worried my brother to tears and he's so far away, so I can't hug him. Its things like that, that are hard for me.  I just couldn't be more thankful for such careless, loving people in my life. And Shalon and Cari, I really am okay even if I dont answer you within 2.5 seconds :) haha. You two have been amazing. I am not completely helpless, but I am still only about 40% of what I used to be.. as far as doing things. This is what is hardest for me. 

Something that has surprised me about Sarcoidosis: What hasn't? The biggest thing is probably how fast everything happened & how much it has affected me, in such a short amount of time. It truly does turn your life upside down, from one day to the next.

The fact that you're reading this makes me feel: Loved. If you've read this whole thing, it means you care and that you want to know and understand. And for that, I appreciate you.  

As time goes on, I plan to keep myself educated and learn more about this and learn from my support group and others experiences. I want people to understand that I do not feel like a 'victim' of Sarcoidosis. I feel like it is something that is not easily understood and by my blogging and putting myself out there, it might help spread some knowledge and awareness. It will also help me, as it is something I will have to live with and manage for the rest of my life. I am a fighter and I will not give in to it and will be doing as much as I can to fight it and get back to being me. Having support from my friends & family is a HUGE part of that and I am grateful for those who will be on this journey with me! 

Positive Smositive..and the Brutal Honest Truth

I am usually (or try to be) a positive person. I have had a lot of negatives in my life and I have really tried to stay positive and focus on my blessings not my burdens. I really do try. Sometimes though, it just isn't possible. We all have our days. I have been having a lot more of them lately, as much as I hate it. I am not one for throwing a pity party and it's never my intention to make people feel bad for me. Mostly, I just need that time to rant and get it out of my system, so the positive can keep flowing. 

Negativity is like a dam, if you will. It builds up over time, then clogs my positive flows. I have to let it out sometimes. It's human nature. While some won't and don't understand that, I am not asking anyone to. I AM asking that people not look down on me or judge me for those bad days. I know, you're thinking "who would?" but, it happens. People do and say inappropriate things, whether they  mean to or not. They, without realizing, are passing judgement on something that only I can understand at the moment. While this disease may not seem "that bad" to some, for me it is real. It is what I have to live with. It is day in and day out of feeling like shit, not knowing exactly why, not being able to take a shower and do my dishes without taking a break in-between and feeling completely exhausted afterward. It's waking up with every muscle and joint in my body sore and hurting, and mysterious bruises that showed up out of nowhere. It is something that most people do a quick Google search on and read the generalized description {which by the way is probably only 25% true} and assume it's something I take medication for and will be back to normal anytime. I wish. 

Believe me, more than anyone I wish it was that easy. But it's not. I am on medication, and I have been. I wished I was seeing and feeling changes toward fully recovering. Truth is, they are very minor. And it is frustrating. I want to go back to feeling normal and doing normal things. I do not sit and dwell on my disease, but I am human and I have my bad days. I am not asking for a pity party, I am asking for understanding. I have never been a selfish person, but sometimes in life you have to be. It's about me and my disease and getting better.. and the ones that have stuck by me from the beginning. If you can't or don't want to be in my life, good and bad and be supportive, then I understand. But please don't stay if you will be judgmental and view me as someone that "is her disease" or thinks I am overreacting. Sorry for the honest truth, but it has to be said..so that I can move and continue this blog with updates, awareness and everything in-between.

4th of July & Roid Rage!

First of all, Happy Birthday America!  This holiday is my favorite,  next to Christmas and being basically homebound, I was sad to miss all the fun this year.  My day didn't consist of a whole lot. I woke up not feeling so great ( I blame the meds) Hubby had to work, so I tried to clean the kitchen a bit and just hung out most of the day. When he did get home, I needed to get out of the house and my steriods (working overtime) insisted I have a seafood sub from Subway. I'll admit, I'm addicted. I've always loved them, since one of my best friends worked at Subway in high school. Seafood subs & Baked Lays. Seriously, if it wasn't 4am I'd be running there now to get one, just thinking about it. Anyhow, it wasn't a glamorous trip out, but it got me out for a few minutes. Seeing everyone walking around from all of the festivities and seeing the firework stands packed,  made me a little sad. My mother in law was nice enough to send me pictures of the littles at the parade enjoying themselves,  so that was nice. The rest of my day consisted of hanging out with hubby, watching House and eventually watching the firework show from my livingroom window. Even though I couldn't be out enjoying it all, I still felt the spirit :)
Going back to how I felt this morning- Seriously. If you've ever taken Prednisone,  you feel my pain.  It is the devil.  I've taken it before when I had pneumonia (or so they said, but my pulm dr said it could have very well been the sarcoid back then) and it kicked my ass then, too. Besides making me feel like I need to eat the whole united world, it makes my muscles & skin feel like they're on fire and sore. It also makes me swell and feel like parts of my body are going to pop at any given moment. Hormonally, I am a mess. One minute I am happy and fine, the next I'm pissed off at the dumbest thing, then want to cry because I know its not rational. Then I laugh because, well.. I feel like a psycho mess. I am pretty thankful hubby hasn't been around most of the last few days to witness. He may or may not be rethinking this whole marriage thing if he was. Lord help me if I have to be on these meds for 6mos or longer. Actually, lord help whoever has to be around me.. I'll be fine every 10min or so :)  At this point the only thing I am noticing that is an improvement is my leg pain, since being on it. I had a day where my pain wasn't so bad, so I didnt take my pain meds for a full day and night.. which was last night. Pretty sure that is why I felt so awful waking up. I finally gave in and took one today. I know its a long process, but I am ready to be back to myself, back to work and back to doing whatever it is I want to. Tomorrow my momma is coming over to take me grocery shopping (yes I'll bring sanitizer and a mask) and to clean. (I will be helping even though shes threatened to smack me if I leave the couch..she's such a mom!) I am pretty excited to get out, spend time with her and to grocery shop (yes, im one of the weird ones that enjoys it) Hubby is going fishing with a friend for the afternoon/evening so it'll just be Chico & I after that. I hope he has fun with his friend and just can take some time away from worrying about me. He hasnt left my side, literally, unless its to work. Hes been putting in a lot of hours since going back & he deserves to go and relax and have fun.
I am so thankful for such amazing people in my life and I know how lucky I am. My family has been so amazing, even just in the little things they do. It hurts my heart to know that because of me and my situation, my mom, my sister, my husband and others have lost sleep, worried themselves sick & have taken on doing more, just to make my life easier right now. Thank you just doesn't seem enough. I will have lots of time on my hands so I will have to think of ways to repay them someday.
I guess its time I tried to get some sleep, since my mom will be here in 5hrs. (Thank you Prednisone,  for another lovely side effect called insomnia :)

What the hell is SARCOIDOSIS?!

Those of you who are on my Facebook, have a little insight as to what I have been going through the last month or so. I will try and not make this an hour long read, but I will explain the best I can. I think I currently have 3 blogs, and will admit I am not the best at updating them. But honestly, they're mostly for me to share my thoughts & get stuff off my chest, so quit being selfish! :P I do have high hopes for this one to help even one person who is struggling with understanding this disease. Although it has quickly & abruptly thrown my life into a tailspin, I am so new to it & am finding out there is not a whole lot of information out there, other than just 'generalized' assumptions. Let me start off by giving you a glimpse of what started this all recently. (My brain is a little fuzzy so I may or may not forget some details.. I am sure hubby will correct me if I do and I'll update accordingly)
Back in May I was having some major pain in my right shoulder blade/back area. I could tell it was more than just a muscle pain, so one night I just couldn't stand the pain anymore and went in to the ER. They did a CAT scan, didn't find anything other than some unsuspicious swollen lymph nodes that they 'happen to catch' at the top of my chest scan. They sent me on my way with pain meds & said to follow up with my regular doctor & to have the lymph nodes checked in a couple-few months. Ok, no biggie. I followed up with my doctor shortly after (maybe a week) since I already had an appointment scheduled with him, for my foster care licensing check up. We chalked up the pain to being spinal and talked about getting a CAT scan in late July or early August to check on the lymph nodes. He signed my paper & gave me a clean bill of health for my licensing. My back pain continued and I dealt with it & tried different sleeping positions, a body pillow etc.. and took the pain meds as I could. About a week after that appointment, I was sitting watching TV  one night and suddenly had an intense pain in my lower neck, about where my collar bone is. It freaked me out a bit, but I went to bed that night thinking nothing of it, since I didn't have any other symptoms (minus the back pain.) And yes, I did Google it and found it was very common to have swollen lymph nodes for MANY different reasons.. mostly non life threatening. I dealt with the pain in the lymph node for a few days until one evening (of course everything happens after hours) I felt really horrible and the node pain was almost unbearable. Time to visit the good ol' ER again. JR had a lot of convincing to do, because I hate going. Most of the time (like just a couple weeks before) they do a few tests, take some blood, give you meds & send you on your way and tell you to follow up... all while taking 15hrs to do so. I am not bitter, I actually love my health network (St. Luke's) because my doctor is a St. Luke's doctor, my sister works for them & the ER I go to is also St. Luke's. I just don't like having to visit the ER. Anywho, since they have an awesome charting system, they knew I was there recently and what they'd done, saw my scans etc. and the doctor on call ordered another CAT scan to see those lymph nodes. It came back that they were swollen, had grown a bit & that on my previous scan, I had also had lung nodules show up. Those had also grown since then. My lungs also looked hazy (they call it 'ground glass') The doctor couldn't say for sure, but said it could be the start of pneumonia. Of course, since I have been hospitalized with it a few times in the last 5 years. Although, I wasn't really convinced, since I know what it feels like & I had no cold or flu symptoms. Not really even any breathing or lung problems at the time. She informed me she was a 'minimalist' and didn't like to prescribe medication, but felt I needed a high dose of antibiotics to kick this. So she sent me on my way with super strength antibiotic & told me to follow up with my doctor. (Good thing I really like my doctor!) Fast forward 4 days... Trying to schedule with my doctor is almost impossible unless it's a ways out. They said I could see the Nurse Practitioner, but I wasn't too happy about that. I'd never seen him and I am really comfortable with my own doctor, as he's seen my through my pneumonia bouts as well as my PCOS stuff. So I scheduled for a week or two out and left it at that. I wasn't feeling any better & in these few days I started having really bad pain in my legs and arms. It was a different pain, some joint.. some muscle, but also feeling like pressure pain when I stood up or moved them from a still position. I had zero energy. Taking a shower felt like climbing Mt. Everest. Twice. All I wanted to do was sleep and I think for a few days I probably slept 18hrs a day. I felt horrible. About an hour after I scheduled my appointment with my doctor, a nurse from his office called me and said she reviewed my chart and really thought it wise that I see the Nurse Practitioner. She was not happy with the symptoms I was having and also that the high dose antibiotic was doing nothing for me. Ok, fine. I wasn't too thrilled about it, but if she took the time to review my stuff and call me back, I could at least give him a chance. Plus, I felt like shit. I made the appointment for 2 days later. Thank goodness for him. He immediately referred me to the pulmonologist & said to call them to get in. He told me there were a few things he was concerned with & that the specialist would be able to rule out some things for me. That was in the morning (please don't ask which day because the last 30 days have all run together) I went to work after my appointment to get some hours in & called the pulmonology office to make sure they got my referral and to schedule my appointment.  The lady who gets the referrals was a bit bitchy & I had no patience for her. She went on about how they'd call ME after my referral got "checked".. apparently that means it has to be reviewed by their board of doctors there, to determine the severity of the case & how quickly people need to be seen. Hmmph. Excuse me for not knowing your process! So I hung up, frustrated and not expecting a call back for quite a while. A half hour later she called me & said it was "checked" and they could see me that afternoon. Like, in an hour or so. Good news or bad? All I knew is it freaked me out how quickly they got me in, but most of all how extremely nice this same woman was who I just spoke to 30min ago. Of course my first thought was "This lady feels bad now because she knows I am dying!" (que drama queen music)
I may need my husbands assistance in remembering the next few days of events, because I can't recall details. I remember him and my mom both being at the pulmonology office with me, but I don't remember him riding with us there. Hmm. Anyway, the pulm dr reviewed my scans with us, talked about possibilities and wasn't sure what exactly we were dealing with. He didn't like the swollen LN's (lymph nodes), the 5 nodules on my lungs and the ground glass appearance. Also the symptoms I was having (hot and sweating at night, nausea, the leg/arm pain, a bit of weight loss, no appetite etc) so he said we'd need to do a biopsy. He explained it would be an EBUS, where they put me under and do a breathing tube with a camera and run a needle down to the LN's which are above your lungs. So that he could sample the LN tissue. I knew why it needed to be done, but with the thought of lymphoma as the possibility, I was nervous as hell & scared. He also ordered a blood test which I had to stop in at the lab on the way home and do. It was a JAK2 blood test to determine if there was some kind of bone marrow disorder. Ok, scare me more.
He called me the following day to let me know that he thought the best course of action was to refer me to the oncologist. No. Not the cancer doctor. No. K.. this was my breaking point. Although he couldn't say yes or no it's cancer.. the fact that he thought the best action was to send me to the cancer dr.. I was crushed. Of course I immediately called my mom and my husband ( I was sitting in the McDonalds parking lot after grabbing coffee on my way to work) I was in tears and totally freaked out. I had this ick feeling and wanted to crawl in a hole. JR rushed home and we just sat and cried and I tried to get myself out of my "I'm dying" thinking. Trying to get myself together and face whatever the hell this was.
Again, time has gotten away from me, especially after this point in time. But I made the appointment with the oncologist for a day or two out, saw him & he couldn't say yay or nay either, but it seemed to him that it didn't add up to cancer. Of course, he said, there's always those ones that don't add up. (Not super reassuring) My biopsy was scheduled for that Friday, so this must have been a Wednesday.
***Let me go back a bit... I forgot to mention that after I left the pulm doctor, they said they'd call me with an exact date of my biopsy. That was supposed to be the call he was making when he told me I needed to go see the oncologist. He didn't mention the biopsy date at that time. When they did finally call me to give me date, it seemed they'd already scheduled me for July 2nd.. but the dr didn't want to wait that long, so he rescheduled it for that Friday. (June 27th)
Biopsy Day: I get checked in, do the biopsy.. feeling great in recovery & go home. (shout out to my amazing mom, husband, sister & MIL for being there) A few hours after being home, I start feeling really cruddy. My heart is racing and I just feel horrible. My MIL works at the ICU here and let me use her oxygen meter, so I put it on my finger and it's registering low (86/87), with a high heart rate (118). My go-to nurse (my sister Tami) tells me to call the after surgery care nurse where I had my biopsy, so JR calls & goes through some things with her (warming my hands up while monitoring my oxygen level) and it still is low. She said I needed to go to the ER right away. I am pretty sure I should get a name plaque or something there. Off we go. We get seen right away (my mom meets us there) and they do an EKG (normal) and draw some blood. They did another CAT scan.They are monitoring my oxygen while asking me all sorts of questions (as ER visits usually go) and my oxygen is still reading low. The nurse tells me it is because I have gel polish on and it doesn't read right with polish and that my sats would go up while I was sitting up and talking, so she's sure it was fine. Also, because they gave me pain meds, that my body was relaxing and my sats would normally drop. Seriously. I just had my nails done the day before (because I can't go under with my nails and toes looking a hot mess!) and I wasn't happy about peeling it off one finger.. but I did it myself. Mostly because this lady was not going to take my seriously unless I did and they could get a true reading. So, I peeled my gel polish off. Yes, I am bitter about that. It still needs fixed by the way. Anyhow, the doctor came in and I am sitting up, talking to him and my sats are STILL low. Go figure. He said he was not comfortable with that & that my CAT scan they just did seemed okay.  He wasn't comfortable sending me home, so I was being admitted. This ER is an ER only, so they'd be transporting me via ambulance to St. Luke's Downtown Boise. Ugh. I got there after a VERY bumpy, but fun (imagine riding a rollercoaster backwards while on morphine..Whooo!!) ambulance ride, about 4am Saturday morning. (The medic who sat with me in back was a supervisor that I recognized from working at the Fire Dept.. we work with that paramedic company daily.. so that was fun talking with him and he was showing me the new medic program our guys will soon be using :) I get checked into my room, and see the dr later that morning. (If you're wondering, I sent my mom home for some much needed rest because I wasn't sure she'd be able to drive home alone after the last few weeks of lost sleep because of me) The dr said my biopsy results weren't back yet, but he saw the biopsy and it really pointed to Sarcoidosis. (My pulm doctor happened to be on call for the hospital that night/morning). He was starting me on steroids, antibiotics and inhalers. He said that when they went in and did the biopsy, they also did a 'lung flush' to make sure the ground glass in my lungs wasn't a bacteria. The lung wash caused my lungs to spasm and that is why I was here and having problems. He was pretty confident in the Sarcoidosis diagnosis, so we'd start treatment immediately. I responded well the next 24hours so I was able to come home Sunday afternoon. I missed my sisters birthday on Saturday and was totally bummed. But I was also relieved in knowing he was 99% sure that I did not have cancer.
Now what the hell was this Sarcoidosis? Of course I turned to Google. I also have joined some groups on Facebook and am following some blogs. It's really helping me to learn more about this and all the possibilities. I am truly grateful it is not cancer. I am NOT grateful it is a lifelong autoimmune disease. With this disease it can affect your lungs (which is my case currently) eyes, liver, heart and brain. They did an angiogram and said my heart looked good and no signs of sarcoid there. I haven't heard regarding my liver, and I am set to see an eye specialist here in the next week or two to see about my eyes. My brain seems to be okay, although has it ever really been okay? :)
Where I stand currently: I saw my regular dr today (actually, the NP that I saw earlier who referred me to pulmonology) and he said between him and my regular dr, they'd be treating my insulin/gluclose issues. The steroid I am on makes my sugar levels go crazy, and previous blood results showed my AC1 levels low. So I may need medication for the sugar spikes, but I he said I need to be eating a diet of at least 50% protein, so my levels don't drop dangerously low. He said my pulmonologist would be dealing with the Sarcoidosis part of it.
I also had an appointment with a pulmonologist today, (not my normal one, but one in his office) and she gave me a copy of my biopsy results that stated it was not cancer, and was Sarcoidosis. My treatment plan is to continue the high dose steroid for a few weeks until I go see them again, and they can see how I've done on it. (Oh and believe you me, there WILL be a post titled ROID RAGE coming up.. so stay tuned for that one!!) If I am responding well and the LN's have shrunk and not swollen, they can being to taper me off of them. If there's no change, I'll need to stay on them and monitor. Hopefully all while starting to feel better. She said Sarcoidosis is different in everyone and the best outcome would be that the meds work and I'd only have to be on them like 6mos. Let's hope for that best outcome because they are already kicking my ass after a few days. While I was in the hospital, they told me I'd need to be very cautious of germs. No Walmart (the dr really did say that!) and no kissing the kids (sad day!) no being around sick people, limit going in public, use lots of hand sanitizer etc. Basically be a hermit and live in a bubble. Boo. But in people with Sarcoidosis, a small cold or allergy can quickly become pneumonia and cause real problems. (Just a quick fact: that is how Bernie Mac died. He had Sarcoidosis & caught pneumonia) Just something I ran across in my searching :) I did ask the dr today about it and she said to still be cautious, but as long as I felt I could do it, to try. As in going back to work etc. I still am pretty fatigued, not feeling that great.. but I think the steroids have helped my leg pain a lot. It isn't as painful to get up or walk. She said to still not be around sick people, use sanitizer... if I do go to Walmart, to wipe down the cart and consider a mask. I actually think I'd fit right in in that case! :) I am feeling optimistic at this point, but also being realistic. I just need to see how my body is going to respond and go from there.  The one thing about Sarcoidosis is that its unpredictable. It can go away in 'remission' for a month, a year, or ten years. Or it can stay and be chronic. Or it can, worst case, spread and affect other organs. There is no cure at this point and there are some other medications they can try if need be. At this point I just want to be feeling better so I am able to get back to work and not have to stress money, as well as getting out of this dammed house. I am also going to start working on a regular sleep pattern, as my sleep is so messed up right now with all of this medication and anxiety. I am sure my husband will appreciate that :) With that said, I am getting tired as I write this, so I am going to apologize that this probably did end up as an hour long read, and say goodnight. Thank you to all of you who have sent kind words, prayers and well wishes.. and have checked up on me and been there for me. My family & friends are so amazing. I really, truly am blessed. I am happy to know and feel that even if this disease tries to break me, I will have you all to complain to. LOL. Just kidding. But honestly, THANK YOU!